Journey of The Moshiach

One of my most recent grueling experiences of my life, occurred last November of 2009. That was when I became homeless on the cold icy streets of New York City, and Philadelphia.

It all began back in October of 2008, when I had one of my most serious falling outs with Ian Pureheart who is a Christian, a friend of his named Vincent Bolard is also a Christian who attends Charlie's Drop-in Center along with me. The dispute started when I wanted to go to Charlie's Drop-in Center instead of hanging out with Ian Pureheart. Throughout the month of October 2008, he would leave me harassing calls calling me names such as faggot , and crazy. Each time he called me I would hang up on him.

Around this time, I was reunited with my American-Israeli friend Solomon Rabanu, who claims to be the Moshiach . Because of all the stress I was going through with Ian and Vincent, I decided to rebel against Jesus Christ, by going along with Solomon's farce and worship him. I was also considering converting to Rabbinical Judaism as well.

The dispute ends in December of 2008, and Ian Pureheart and I become friends again. But throughout the year of 2009, I would have disputes with Pureheart and Vincent Bolard all the way to late June of 2009, in which Ian Pureheart would send me slanderous post cards in the mail to my place of residence, and he would leave me harassing phone calls on my voice mail. He also tried to have me jumped by a gang of kids as well. It was during this time that I thought that if I converted to Rabbinical Judaism, God would bless me because I was a Jew. It was also during this time that I thought Jesus Christ owed me something. Through out the year of 2009, I had a chip on my shoulder and I thought the girls in South Florida were all high maintenance, I thought South Florida was too hot to live in, I thought my artwork wasn't doing that well in South Florida, thought that I always was getting into a fight with somebody in South Florida, and that I kept winding up in psychiatric hospitals here in South Florida. I figured if I moved to a another state, things would be different.

Also during this time, I was carrying a grudge towards my family for the way I thought they were favoring my half brother . You see my father is my representative payee for my Supplemental Security Income and my
Disability. After going to Fort Lauderdale Hospital, I get a call from Solomon Rabanu, where he invites me to accompany him to New York and Philadelphia so that way I could help him get his kidney stone removed at Bellevue Hospital in Manhattan. I go with him that August, and when we were in the airport in Philadelphia, we meet this truck driver who suggested that Solomon become my representative payee. That was where I decided to make Solomon Rabanu my representative payee to slap my father and stepmother in the face. My father wasn't happy about the change, that when he told me that Solomon was going to take my money and I would be homeless, I hung up on him. I move out of my residential facility in October of 2009, and I stayed with my friend Nina at her apartment, right around the time her abusive boyfriend walked out on her, before I would spend October with the Moshiach Solomon Rabanu at the Rodeway Inn off of State Road 84 in Fort Lauderdale, Fl, before we would take the Amtrak to Philadelphia on Wendesday November'4, 2009. During that month of October 2009, I snapped at Nina when she would tell me the truth that I was making a mistake trusting Solomon with my money because I didn't have a cellphone, and I ran out of food stamps within a week after I got them. Also during this time, my attitude was very negative leading up to leaving South Florida, and I checked myself into Fort Lauderdale Hospital once more a week and a half before I left for Philadelphia. Solomon started to get annoyed at me because of my behavior and attitude. During this time Solomon opened up a bank account with check deposit so that way I could access the money from my social security accounts, but since we had an unstable address, the money kept getting directed to my address of my old residence. Even though all this stuff was happening, and all the people who cared about me, were against me going with the "Moshiach", I still didn't or refused to see the writing on the wall.

On November' 4th, 2009, Solomon and I took the Amtrak to Philadelphia thus beginning the "Journey of the Moshiach". While Solomon and I were on the train, we met this woman from Albany, New York whom I sold one of my paintings of Miami Beach for $10, and we all talked all the way till we got off in Philadelphia.
When we got off the train, we walked through the city in the crisp cold night air, because the public transportation workers were on strike. While we were walking Solomon was making Rocky impersonations, all the way to the hostel we were staying at that night. We check ourselves into the Apple Hostel and after we were settled, I went down stairs and had a glass of whiskey mixed with Pepsi Cola, and there were these two young girls of college age from Dallas TX, and I started talking with them and that night Solomon and I joined that crowd from the hostel on their "Pub Crawl". Throughout the whole night due to the strong liquor lowering my inhibitions, I was able to impress almost all the women who were staying in that hostel. We head back to watch the film "The Dark Knight" and in the middle of the movie, I go off to bed. The next day Solomon and I take a taxi to the 30th Street Station where we catch the New Jersey transit to New York City. When we get off that train, Solomon finds that he left one of his bags with his important papers that he has me watch the luggage by the taxi stop. Solomon than returns and he and I take a taxi to Bellevue Hospital in downtown Manhattan. While we were in the taxi, I took a gaze at all the skyscrapers of New York City, and when we got in the hospital, Solomon leaves me in the lobby to watch the luggage, and since he was gone for over five hours, an NYPD officer approaches me because he thought I was homeless. After the officer left, this gentleman told me that the cops have had a tendency to approach people who they thought would loiter in the hospital lobby, and that they were doing it more often since 9-11.

Solomon returns to find me talking to this guy, that he chews me out saying that New York is going to eat me up alive. We head to the American Youth Hostel which is the world's biggest hostel. We check ourselves in, and I go to straight to bed and I slept till noon the next day. When I wake up, I go for a little walk down to Hudson River Park, and I run into Solomon and this young Frenchman and all three of us go for a pizza. That night I meet this Mexican woman named Lupe, and she and I decide to spend the day together in Central Park. After spending the day in Central Park together, I head back to the hostel where Solomon tells me that she's too old for me. That was where I was beginning to realize that I had made a mistake for going with him to New York and Philadelphia.

The next two days Solomon and I went to Times Square and Chinatown, and one day Solomon has me go on my own to Times Square, where I saw the Empire State Building and my favorite building in the New York skyline which was the Chrysler Building. I even went inside that building fulfilling my purpose for being in New York City. On Thursday November' 12, 2009, Solomon and I check out of The American Youth Hostel and head back to Bellevue Hospital where Solomon had to go for another test before his kidney stone surgery. While he left me there watching the luggage, this young latino police officer approaches me asking me what I was doing at the hospital I told him that I was waiting for my friend. So he walks away, than a few minutes later, he approaches me again and threatens to take me to jail because he thought that I was lying, so I showed him my Florida I.D. and he walks away and leaves me alone. Man that was the scariest encounter I ever had with a cop. Solomon returns and I told him what happened and he tells the security that I'm there to accompany him, and that I was watching our luggage. He returns again two hours later, and we check ourselves into the Bellevue Men's Homeless Shelter, which in my opinion was the same as entering hell. I mean the security guards and the staff were abusive and nasty, and sometimes you couldn't even get a bed, man I was scared half to death. We spend the night in the shelter, and the next day, Solomon and I head back to Philadelphia where while we were walking to Penn Station to catch the New Jersey Transit, my luggage became to heavy to carry. I manage to get it on the train to Philadelphia. and when we get off the train, and we were walking from the 30th Street Station, I got frustrated with all my luggage and I was angry that my paintings of Miami Beach didn't make it outside the Mental Health community, that I threw the whole portfolio in the Delaware river. To this very day, I was glad I did that. We meet up with a Levite friend of Solomon's who worked at the Mikveh Synagogue adjacent to Independence Hall, and he gives us some money to check oursleves into the Apple Hostel once again. That night I talked with one of the hostel's staff memebers about our experience in New York, and we once again watch "The Dark Knight." Solomon sends me to make some popcorn and since I was taking too long, he makes a comment about it that I snapped he then told me that I disrespecting him as a rabbi. The next two days while we sleeped in front of the synagogue, Solomon and I said a few words to each other. The next day I decide to visit Independence Hall, and explore the city of Philadelphia. Prior to visiting Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell, I didn't appreciate being a citizen of The United States. But when I saw Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell that a tear came to my eye, and while I explored the historic sights, my spiritual journey had begun. I began to realize that I had to return back to South Florida and take responsibility for my behavior which was the reason why I had left in the first place. That was when I told Solomon that I was going to head back to South Florida, and you know what ? He smiled at me and I felt Jesus Christ smiling at me for making that decision. On Monday November' 16, 2009, Solomon and I get back on the New Jersey Transit back to New York, where during the next few days, I go through a lot of hell in the homeless shelter, that I cracked and made the worst comment I could ever make in all places. I made a nasty comment about the Terrorist attacks of 9-11, that this big black guy said in gruff voice "Get Out! Get Out of New York." On Thursday November' 19, 2009 after being fed up with all the shenanigans of Bellevue Hospital, and what I went through in that homeless shelter, Solomon gets the both of us out of New York City back to Philadelphia where we spend the rest of November including "Thanksgiving" on the streets.

Around this time, Solomon and I really started to bond and reconnect spiritually, and I spend the rest of that time visiting the whole historic colonial part of Philadelphia, where I had gotten the honor of carrying the torah during a service at Society Hill synagogue which was designed by the same architect who designed
the Capitol building in Washington D.C., I went and stayed at the Sunday Breakfast Homeless Shelter which was run by the church, and went to Christian services there and heard a lot of sermons that made common sense, and around this time, I began to reconnect with Christ Jesus. When I visited the Korean War memorial near the boondocks, I began to think of Nina, and the night her boyfriend walked out on her, and how I got nasty with her shortly before I left for Philadelphia, that I decided that when I headed back to South Florida, I would do a collage on child abuse which I would name "A Secret Ordeal".

On December 1' 2009, when Solomon and I were supposed to be paid our social security checks, my social security checks were once again sent to the wrong address that Solomon and I walked to the Social Security Office and got one the checks in which Solomon used to get me a pair of new Timberland shoes, check us back into the Apple Hostel, and buy my Amtrak Ticket back to Fort Lauderdale, Florida. On December'2, 2009, I visit the Betsy Ross house where I learned all about her and talked to a Betsy Ross impersonator. That night, Solomon makes friends with an Iranian American who was a muslim and we all spent the night at a Rodeway Inn in downtown Philadelphia, the next day, Solomon checks himself in and sneaks me into his room while hw went to New York City to open up a bank account. Solomon buys me some food for my trip back to South Florida, but the next day, due to Solomon being in one of his moods,he makes me take a walk which in the process, my train ticket was stolen and I was stranded in Philadelphia. All seemed to be lost, but that night while I slept on a steam vent, people gave me money, and early the next morning I pray to Jesus that if it's his will that he help me return back to Florida. That was then I heard a still voice say "Call your Parents!" "Call your Parents!" So I went to the library on 18th and Vine Street got on a computer and checked my e-mail in which I had gotten a message from my father saying that the homeless shelter from New York had called him saying I had disappeared, and if i was still alive, to call him. So I wrote back telling him what had happened, and I looked for the e-mail with his phone number on it and I headed to Thomas Jefferson Hospital where I had a social worker help me call my father and stepmother and I told them what had happened so my father asks "How would you like to spend a few days with us in Tennessee ? " I said "Ok" and he books me a ticket on the first Greyhound out of Philadelphia, Thus ending that ordeal. In conclusion I did a lot of growing up during that time, after almost getting into a few fights with some of the young residents in Philadelphia, I learned that people are people, and where I go, there I am. In other words it was me that put me in my misery, I also learned that I couldn't run away from my problems and that I had to face them, and that God is in control, and if things are in a certain way it's because that's the way he wants it. I put my father back as my representative payee for my SSI and SSD checks. And whatever jealousy I had of my younger half brother had melted away. I had grown up, I may have not gotten what I wanted, but I got what I needed

The Tantrum Decade

As I look back at my 20's which were in the first decade of the 21st Century, I recall that almost all my psychiatric hospitalizations occurred due to throwing tantrums when I didn't get my way, and I also realize the reason why a lot of people didn't or don't like me has been due to my unorthodox conduct and my bad violent behavior.

I believe the seeds of the "Tantrum Decade" were sown back in November of 1989, when my stepmother took my seven month old half brother on a flight to Fort Wayne,
Indiana and boy was I angry then, six months later in May of 1990, my stepmother did the same thing so she could attend her father's third wedding, and that was then
I decided to use manipulation and tantrums to get what I wanted either by hurting myself, or by using destructive behaviors to get attention.

That explains why I set fires in my bedroom on Mother's Day weekend of 1993, because my stepmother wouldn't let me have a Nintendo Game Boy, or I used my Karate training to beat up my stepmother when my father grounded me from watching Saturday Morning Cartoons for threatening one of my high school teachers, and as revenge towards my stepmother for not letting me attend a Halloween Party for giving a staff member at school the middle finger, and lying about it.

When I started to set fires in my room in March of 1996, that was when a neurologist decided that I needed to be hospitalized in the psychiatric ward at Miami Children's Hospital. That was where a psychologist wrote up a set of rules which took away my karate training and my the TV programs that I was watching that glorified violence and prejudice.

After this had happened, I joined the marching band at Cooper City High School where I got the opportunity to travel to London, England to march in a parade.
In the middle of the month of March in 1997, I was grounded by my father from going to Busch Gardens, with the ESE class for lying about my interim report, so I went berserk by disturbing the peace in the residential neighborhood, and the next day at school, I told a teacher that I cursed out the day before that my father wouldn't be letting me go to Busch Gardens for lying about my interim report, where she responded "He should, you blew it anyway." That was where I went berserk again ripping open my shirt in the hallway in front of all the students, and that was when my psychologist said to my father that I needed to be put in the psychiatric hospital to adjust my medication and that was where the Florida Medical Center comes in. While I was in there, my father reduced my punishment to completing all the schoolwork that I missed while I was in the hospital, and I was
able to go to Busch Gardens after all.

That was where I got the impression that if I wanted something and someone said "No" to me, I figured that I would check myself into the hospital in order to manipulate that person into giving me what I wanted. Now that I think about it, I believe it is an immature and childish way to get attention and today I would rather just take "no" for an answer and accept things the way they are.

Another way I would try to get attention was by stereotyping and making racist comments, slurs, and/or jokes to let people know that I was angry at, and/or jealous of somebody. I would even make statements about tragic events of that time such as in December of 1997, during my junior year in high school, this girl, told the truth about me being prejudiced, and since she was from England, I said this "Serves you Brit's right that you're princess was killed." Because of this statement she gives everybody in the band a Christmas Card but me. Today when I think of when that happened, I realize that was the one of consequences of my behavior, or when I was in a homeless shelter in New York City last November this big black guy who looked like he was out of jail said in a rude voice to get out of his way, that was where I lost it and made a cruel comment about the 9-11 attacks. He said "Get out, get out of New York." You know I could've either been jailed, or been beaten up on the spot for making that comment. That comes to show me that I need to watch what I say, and also shows why many people think I'm a jerk. This explains it.


I also now realize that everything I did to manipulate or try to get attention from other people, or to hurt them, has hurt me much more than it did them, Another thing I realize about myself is how I tend to get jealous and envious of others such as my half brother who ten years ago got straight A's all year during his fifth grade year up to when he started to going to the University of Tennessee, this is the reason why my father and stepmother moved to Knoxville, Tennessee so he could get a reduced tuition. Even though I knew this, I was envious of my half brother that I decided to slap my father and stepmother in the face by putting my social security checks in Solomon Rabanu's name which resulted in me winding up on the streets of New York City, and Philadelphia. If I had worked hard during the time I was in Elementary School, Middle School, and High School I would've had those straight A's. So there you have it, all the misery I went through was because of my own behavior. So yes I am responsible. It's true that your future is not written until you make it whatever you make it.

What I'm saying is that I take responsibility for my actions, behavior, my illness, and my emotions. That everything I did was childish , and now it's over. I'm thirty years old and today I'm a man. This is for all you folks who are going through the same thing as I went through.

Life is not fair, it's not because of the United States of America, you have the opportunity to better yourself here in the United States, it's because God has made it that way, he decides whose going to be rich, whose going to be poor, whose going to be sick, whose going to be healthy, whose going to be a slave, whose going to be free, whose going to be strong, and whose going to be weak.

Jesus said in John 14:6 "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life and no one comes to the father except through me."

Romans 3:23 says "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life."

Finally Romans 5:8 "God loved us that yet while we're sinners Christ died for us."

So you see life is not fair because it was fair we'd all be in hell. To be fair is to give everybody what they deserve and what we deserve is not good so be thankful that
life is not fair.